p3r$0n4L

2012-04-19

have as many themes and shit as you want, but the same parties with exclusively the same people every week with the same mirror shots all over the internet is pretty fucking sad looking.

2012-04-18

i’ve constantly got this feeling of impending doom, like something bad is going to happen. really bad, not right now but sooner rather than later. maybe a few years.

2012-04-16

will is not my secretary. stop telling him things you want to tell me. stop inviting him to things and tacking on “oh and your girlfriend can come too”. i have a name and i am a person. assholes.

I try so hard to be the best person I can, but I feel like it should be effortless to be inclusive and considerate when it comes to gender, ability and race. I don’t want to offend anyone and I don’t want to look like a stupid white cisgirl who can’t break out of the racist and trans-ignorant habits I was brought up with. I have to stop myself using “retard” as an insult. I am constantly analyzing my own thoughts for any signs of patriarchal oppressive ideas that I want to flush out of my brain. I am always making an effort to check all of my privileges and call people out when they say something that doesn’t sit right, but I still don’t feel confident that I even know what I’m talking about… I don’t know anything about the waves of feminism, just that most people associate my beliefs with feminism. is it really supposed to be this difficult or am I doing something wrong?

2012-04-04

i get so angry about things that are so far away from me. a young mum in adelaide who i have never met is going through hell with housing and her ex boyfriend (and his new girlfriend has the hide to yell at her, which is fucking ridiculous), and i’m so mad about people lacking the capacity to not be utter assholesto the woman that birthed their own child that i feel sick. i just want to kick people like that right in the fucking face. i hate being angry and not being able to do anything about it.

2012-04-03

i’m just so tired

2012-04-01

i can’t wait to finish school so i can wipe myself clean of everyone who calls themselves a friend and getting a bit upset whenever some huge group check-in happens or another album of idiots in costume gets put up. i hate being excluded, it’s like there’s something wrong with me.

2012-03-31

my dog’s been dead for two weeks

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i’m sick of getting to this part of the night where i’m by myself for a while and everything floats around in my head. i’m just sad and i don’t know why. well, i know why but it’s pathetic. my whole life is kind of pathetic.

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eugh. i did almost everything right this week and i still feel like a lump of poo. i hate myself and i hate most of my life.

2012-03-27

i wish weirdos who don’t actually know me wouldn’t follow this blog.

2012-03-24

i fucking miss my dog and i feel like a huge hunk of fucking crap because i didn’t see him for two whole fucking weeks before he died, fuck.

2012-03-17

i feel like shit. i miss my dog and it’s only been an hour. i had little hope of passing english before this happened, now i’m doomed. i can’t stop crying. i wish i had more than a few hours’ warning.

2012-03-07

man, going out at night, driving, seeing bands and getting tattoos must be so hard. fuck off and stop complaining to me of all people.

2012-03-05

in 18 days, will and i are celebrating the 2-year mark in our relationship. we only ever fight because i am an idiot. shit has been had for the duration of our relationship, because of our living situations and the fact that i am still in school and we are both poor, but if we can stay strong for this long everything can only get better in the future. i’m lucky not to be in a bullshit relationship with a person who might be abusive or particularly needy and manipulative, and for that i am grateful. i wish everyone could find the happiness, comfort and stability that i’ve had for the last 24 months with will. big sexy licky love to you, hairy man. we’re going to be old and wrinkly and happy in a retirement village together one day and that’s all i can ever ask.